Most bottoms worry that one day, after taking one too many dicks, they will become loose. Diapered and defeated. But worry not: In most cases, bottoming doesn’t make you loose. Unsurprisingly, the reason we believe all this nonsense is stigma, not actual anatomy.
The reality is that the anus is made up of two rings of muscle. The internal and external sphincters, which form a short, cylindrical shape leading to the rectum. Like any muscle, the anus can stretch and relax when needed and then return to its resting state when playtime is over. During anal sex, the sphincters naturally loosen to allow for penetration, and afterward, they gradually contract back to their original tone.
Now, some might experience temporary looseness or sensitivity right after bottoming, especially if the play was rough, prolonged, or done without enough lube. But, again, this is often temporary. Essentially: When your hole is treated right, it’ll stay tight.
A 2010 study in Diseases of the Colon & Rectum concluded that bottoming was not a predictive factor for long-term sphincter dysfunction, finding no significant increase in fecal incontinence among men who engage in receptive anal sex compared to those who don’t.
“The anal sphincter is way stronger than it needs to be—somewhere around four times stronger than what is required to hold poop in,” Jonathan Baker, colorectal surgery PA, says. “Even in people who regularly engage in receptive anal intercourse, the sphincter is typically still much tighter than it needs to be.”
Baker shares that there are two ways to measure sphincter muscle strength: Resting tone, which is the tightness of the muscle while it is not being used; and squeeze pressure, which is the tightness of the muscle when you are squeezing it.
In people who routinely bottom, Baker says the sphincter muscle resting tone is likely reduced, but the squeeze tone tends to remain the same. This reduction in resting tone is actually helpful for bottoms, because it helps them engage in receptive anal sex with less discomfort and can prevent injury like anal fissures, hemorrhoids and bleeding.
Now, are career bottoms going to need diapers as a consequence of their PhD in taking D? Probably not. “I think this idea is a combination of bottom-shaming and people just not knowing the truth,” Baker says. “I’ve been caring for queer people’s anuses for over 15 years and I have never seen someone become incontinent from receptive anal sex.”
Even among patients who regularly engage in more extreme sex, like fisting, Baker doesn’t see incontinence later in life. ”Just because I don’t see it, doesn’t mean it can’t happen though,” he clarifies. “But it clearly isn’t a typical or common impact.”
To avoid such a circumstance, keep the sphincter and pelvic floor trauma-free. We do this by ensuring we prepare ourselves properly when engaging in penetrative anal play—things like foreplay, lubricant, and stopping when things feel too intense or painful. This is especially important for beginners.
But those who are more experienced need to be careful as well. “If you’re interested in more extreme receptive sex like large toys, penises and fisting, I strongly recommend that you work with someone very experienced, like a coach,” Baker says. “A first fisting encounter should be many hours long and might not be successful. Pushing the anus further than it is willing to go causes trauma that could negatively impact your sex life.”
If you’re looking to strengthen your hole, anal kegels can help. These exercises strengthen the pelvic floor muscles that wrap around your anus. To find the right muscles, imagine you’re holding in a fart or stopping mid-poop. Contract those muscles for three to five seconds, release, and rest. Repeat about 10 times, two or three times a day. Over time, work up to 10-second holds and mix in quick pulses (squeeze-release-squeeze-release) to really level up.
So what have we learned? That most of the shame we experience regarding bottoming is not based on fact, but stigma. The truth is, most of the fear around “looseness” is just repackaged misogyny and whorephobia dressed up in casual locker room talk.
Here’s what’s real: Your body is not less worthy of respect or intimacy because it experiences pleasure. What does cause damage is the constant pressure to apologize for your desires.
So let’s stop framing anal sex through a lens of degradation. Your hole is not a punchline. It’s not a measure of worth. It’s a part of your body capable of joy, connection, and incredible sensation. And that should be celebrated, not pathologized.
